Isaac Newton discovered gravity not when cranially assaulted by a falling apple, but upon noticing his sagging jowls while examining the forehead bruise in the mirror. Help reverse the Newtonian burden with today's Groupon: for $99, you get 35 units of Dysport with a consultation at Chez Galatea in …
The government designated the first national parks to protect natural wonders, which were threatened by Teddy Roosevelt's insatiable appetite for peppered bark. Experience earth's gorgeously guarded barkscape with today's Groupon: for $79, you get a four-hour plane excursion to Santa Rosa Island fro…
Without vitamins and supplements, humans would be forced to sleep in gingko trees, wrestle carrots from bunnies, and milk the iron from golf clubs. Fill your food pyramid in a single dose with today's Groupon: for $19, you get $40 worth of vitamins, supplements, and health products at GNC in Simi Va…
If woolly mammoths had mastered the triple Lutz, they would've made it out of the Ice Age and into the Bronze Age, if not the Silver or Gold Age. Ensure your long-term survival with today's Groupon to Iceoplex in Simi Valley. Choose between the following options: For $12, you get a public ice-skatin…
Cupcakes are a preferable alternative to birthday cakes, whose constant accompaniment by off-key singing has depleted the planet's finite supply of forced smiles. Garner genuine grins with today's Groupon: for $12, you get one dozen cupcakes from Missy's Cupcake Creations (a $24 value). The founder …
If the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, then disheveled hair provides the least efficient route for climbing monkeys to reach the bananas in your fruit hat. Tame tresses for easy scaling with today's Groupon: for $125, you get a Brazilian Blowout Zero smoothing treatment from…
Acupuncture treatments are used to relieve pain, increase energy, and improve well-being, unlike normal puncture treatments, which are only used when patients are filled with helium. Let your ailments float away with today's Groupon: for $50, you get a wellness package at Chan Acupuncture Clinic in …
Scuba diving is the only way left to find hidden treasure, befriend a nautical skeleton, or strap a huge tank to yourself. Explore the possibilities with today's Groupon at Ye Ol' Dive Shop of Simi Valley. Choose from the following options: For $25, you get a Discovery Scuba Dive course (a $100 valu…
Without nails, hard-to-reach spots would forever itch and digits would be too delicate to put on finger-puppet renditions of Die Hard. Appreciate your multifunctional features with today's Groupon: for $30, you get a manicure and pedicure from Nails by Lori at Renaissance Hair and Nail Design (a $60…
Contrary to popular belief, eating healthy needn't involve braised tree bark or dining at a table surrounded by Stairmasters. Discover a flavorful, fuss-free alternative with today's Groupon: for $15, you get $31.50 worth of organic produce delivered from Farm Fresh To You. The fecund fields of the …
Shoes protect feet from the elements—wintry breezes, frigid rains, and roads paved with einsteinium. Periodically eschew harsh elements with today's Groupon to Pop's One Stop Repair Shop in Camarillo. Choose between the following options: For $10, you get $20 worth of shoe-repair services. For $25, …
Numerous ecological regulations impact our fish, yet few volunteers are interested in doing the hard work of registering them to vote. Canvass your local waterways with today's Groupon for standup paddleboard adventures from Channel Islands Kayak Center in Oxnard. Participants must possess basic swi…
Without Halloween, candy corn would go unharvested and there would be no legal way to knock on a neighbor's door while dressed as Fabio. Celebrate freedom of expression with today's Groupon: for $15, you get $30 worth of Halloween gift baskets from Cherry Moon Farms. This Groupon can be used toward …
Occasionally trimming hair reduces the chances of ends splitting up due to creative differences and trying their luck with solo careers. Keep volatile strands intact with today's Groupon: for $34, you get a salon package at Euphoria The Salon in Simi Valley (an $80 total value). The package includes…
Many presidents' accomplishments have passed into folklore, such as George Washington's dismantling of a cherry tree or Lyndon B. Johnson's discovery of the Ark of the Covenant. Celebrate the feats of a former head of state with today's Groupon: for $9, you get one admission and one GuideCam tour at…
The call of the wild is like a call from an elderly grandparent: though you can't quite make out what's being said, you feel better about yourself when you answer. Pick up nature's phone with today's Groupon: for $30, you get one all-day lift pass to Mt. Baldy (a $64 value). Lifts operate Friday fro…
Without spas, terry-cloth bathrobes would have to make ends meet by taking part-time jobs as car-wash rags and Muppets. Help keep bathwear gainfully employed with today's Groupon: for $50, you get a skin-and-body package at KM Skin & Body in Westlake Village (a $130 total value). The package include…
Driving a shiny car is a great way to experience luxurious transportation without the hassle of chartering a yacht or riding a peacock to work. Transform regular vehicles into ritzy rides with today's Groupon to Paradise Chevrolet. Choose between the following options: For $69, you get an interior a…
When Atlantis fell, the only survivors were its golfers, whose vast knowledge of water hazards saw them to safety. Hone game-saving skills with today's Groupon: to Lindero Country Club in Agoura Hills. Choose from the following options: For $10, you get 18 holes of golf for one, including a pull-car…
Prior to tanning salons, the only way to achieve a beautiful copper glow was to boil pennies and bathe in the scalding reduction. Achieve a less painful sheen with today's Groupon: for $35, you get 30 days of unlimited tanning in a UWE Tropical 32GB bed (a $68 value) or three Mystic Tan spray tans (…
Although Columbus famously "discovered" India by landing at Lexington and Concord and proudly ringing the Liberty Bell, the actual location of India remains a mystery. Today's Groupon offers the best lead the world has had in centuries: for $10, you get $20 worth of Indian cuisine and drinks at Karm…
Green thumbs mean many things, including the fact that someone is an avid gardener, a semisuccessful finger painter, or actually just a gecko in need of a lift to the next truck stop. Add some color to your opposable digits with today's Groupon: for $15, you get $30 worth of plants and flowers at Ma…
Autumn is the only season where pumpkins are judged by their personality as well as by their performance in the swimsuit competition. Get to know fall's finest with today's Groupon: for $5, you get one $10 pumpkin at Big Wave Dave's Pumpkin Patch's locations in Santa Barbara and Ventura. Big Wave Da…
Deep-tissue massages can help relieve pain caused by sports injuries or the equally debilitating yet much less common open-mic-poetry-reading injuries. Will your body to get well soon with today's Groupon to Cathy Camp Therapeutic Massage in Oxnard. Choose between the following options: For $32, you…
Lack of support is the number-one deterrent to losing weight, second only to treadmill malfunctions and Dallas TV marathons. Establish healthier routines with today's Groupon: for $179, you get a four-week Lean for Life weight-loss program at Lindora (up to a $505 total value). Click here for a list…